Thursday, April 06, 2006

Colonel Moseley on Motoring

Today, I want to share with you my thoughts on some of the things on the road that really increase my blood pressure. My current top ten objects of irritation, if not loathing and derision are:

1. Suburban mum on a weekday morning causing traffic congestion by chauffeuring Angelica-Louise and Tristan to school in an enormous Edgbaston tractor, aka a 4 x4.

2. The same suburban mama causing more mayhem on Saturday morning in the same huge gas guzzler, frantically late, taking Angelica-Louise and Tristan from mini-rugby and jazz-tap to riding lessons,

3. Salesmen in the outside lane, mobile glued to the ear, with three shirts hanging up in the back, suddenly appearing close-up in your rear view mirror and flashing their headlights to overtake,

4. HGV drivers who never signal before pulling out and spend forever in the centre lane overtaking,

5. Motor bikes with engines tuned to be painfully loud,

6. Any car or lorry driver, motor biker or cyclist who is rude or inconsiderate to horses or pedestrians using the road responsibly,

7. Drivers who stay in the outside lane after road narrowing signs and force their way in at the very last minute, thus increasing the delay for those politely getting into lane earlier

8. All caravanners, with or without trilby or flat cap

9. Mile after mile of coned-off motorways with no work going on, and

10. Absolutely anyone driving a Nissan Micra, anywhere at any time!

Anyway, safe driving, peddling, riding, walking or whatever. Pip. pip!

* a version of this piece first appeared in Birmingham 13

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